nour husna - my second cerpen

Nour Husna

Petang itu pelajar2 perubatan tahun 2 UUEIM sibuk berkemas d asrama. Mereka bersiap untuk pulang selepas tamat peperiksaan ikhtisas akhir tahun 2. Mereka kelihatan gembira kerana d beri cuti panjang sebelum memasuki tahun klinikal di sebuah hospital d Johor Bharu. Husna, salah seorang dari mereka kelihatan tidak begitu gembira, pakaiannya masih belum d kemaskan lagi, seolah-olah tidak mahu meninggalkan asrama Sri Bayu.

“Mengapa kau macam x gembira saja? bukankah peperiksaan sudah habis kan, keputusan pun dah tahu... takkan sayang nak tinggalkan tempat ni kut?” Tanya salah seorng rakannya, Asmaa.

“Ntah la, aku rasa kau la patut lagi heppy, kau kan top 5 student dalam batch kita. Kalu aku, mau je aku enjoy habis2” sampuk rakan sebiliknya yang lain, Arni, sambil tanganya pantas mengisi buku2nya dalam kotak.

Husna diam seketika, dia kemudiannya bersuara “aku sedih lah nak tinggalkan tempat ni, terutamanya pensyarah kita, lepas masuk tahun klinikal ni, mesti susah nak jumpa mereka...”
“ni mesti kau maksudkan Dr Nour kan? Aku tahu kau mmg anak didik dia, sejak dari tahun 1 lagi kau mmg rapat dengan dia.” Tambah Arni lagi.

Husna diam, kata2 rakannya itu ada benarnya. Tiba2 handsetnya berbunyi, ada mesej sampai. Dia cepat2 membuka peti mesej handsetnya, dan seperti yang d jangka, mesej itu datang dari dr kesayangannya, Dr Nour.

“Could u please come 2 c me b4 go back home, I have somethin 4 u”.

Husna tersenyum lebar dah bergegas bersiap untk ke pejabat pensyarah kesayangnya. Perasaannya bercampur gembira dan sedih mengingatkn mereka bakal terpisah selepas pertemuan itu. Mengimbau disaat dia melangkah ke fakulti perubatan, Dr Nour mmg banyak berjasa kepadanya, selain dari pensyarah2 lain. Walaupun Dr Nour pensyarah dlm farmakologi, namun beliau bukan sahaja mmbantu dlm bidang akademik termasuk buku2 pelajaran, dan yuran pengajian, bahkan turut membantu Husna dlm perkara peribadi dan selalu menasihatinya supaya rajin belajar. Hubungan mereka d rasakan mlebihi seorang pensyarah & penuntut, sehinggakan rakan2 yg lain kadang kala menganggap hubungan mereka seperti seorang ibu dan anak, atau lebih dari itu...

Pernah juga rakannya bertanya kpd Husna sama ada mereka ada pertalian keluarga, namun Husna hanya mampu menggeleng, tidak mampu d perjelaskan dengan kata2. Barangkali kerana Dr Nour belum mempunyai anak sebab beliau belum berkahwin walaupun umurnya menjangkau 45 tahun, ataupun kerana Husna sendiri seorang gadis yang yatim piatu, kehilangan ibubapa ketika umur 2 tahun, dan di jaga oleh ibu saudara... ataupun kerana mereka mempunyai satu persamaan, nama yang sama iaitu Nour Husna? Ya, Nama mereka pun memang sama, malah ejaan nama pun sama iaitu “NOUR HUSNA”. Mahu juga Husna bertanyakan mengapa Dr Nour begitu baik terhadapnya, namun d simpan saja soalan itu, takut kalau mengguris perasaan pensyarah kesayngannya itu.

*******

“Selamat tgh hari Dr, maaf saya lambat tadi, sbb saya dtg dari asrama” Husna berbicara ketika melangkah masuk ke pejabat Dr Nour. Kelihatan dr Nour sedang sibuk mengemas mejanya. Walaupun umurnya menjangkau 40-an, orangnya kelihatan masih muda, kedut pun tiada, wajahnya jernih sekali, matanya bulat, selalu berbaju kurung dan kemas bertudung.

“Selamat petang, hav a seat please, I the one yg patut minta maaf diwturb u packing ur belonings... “Balas Dr Nour sambil tersenyum, sopan tutur bicaranya. Belum sempat Husna bersuara dr Nour menyambung bicara,

“I just want to congratulate on ur keputusan cemerlang dalam ujian ikhtisas akhir tahun dua, our dean is also impressed with your result, you know.”

“Actually I’m the one should congratulate u, sebab ini adalah kejayaan dr... kejayaan dlm membantu saya, selama saya belajar di sini. Tidak pernah org melayan saya sebaik dr... “kata Husna, suaranya mulai tersedu menahan sebak terharu, wajahnya tunduk ke lantai.

Dr Nour hanya tersenyum memerhatikan Husna sambil menghulurkan sebuah bungkusan hadiah yang disimpannya dalam laci meja, “take this present, u should be grateful, not crying like this” balas Dr Nour seakan memujuk. Husna menghulurkan tangan menyambut pemberian Dr Nour, wajahnya masih menunduk memadng lantai, nampaknya hadiah itu masih belum berjaya menceriakan hati pelajar kesaayngnnya itu.

“Have u ever wonder why I treat u bit different from my other students?” tanya Dr Nour tiba2. Husna mengangkat kepalanya, wajahnya kelihatan sedikit terkejut, seolah2 mahu penjelasan lanjut dari Dr Nour, namun lidahnya kelu untuk bersuara.

“u are more than a student for me, we are related each other...” tambah dr Nour.
“sorry dr, I just don’t get it...” balas Husna kehairanan.

“Do you know our name is same and this is not a coincidence, there is a reason behind this... a story that can explain that we are related, and the story could explain why u are so special to me” jelas dr Nour. “If u don’t mind and want to know what the story is all about, probably I can tell now since u will be moving to new place soon and we hardly meet after this...”

“Of course! I would love to .” balas Husna pantas. Sedihnya kurang, fikirannya tertumpu kepada bicara Dr Nour.

“Why don’t we have a tea at cafeteria while I’m telling the whole story” tanya Dr Nour. Husna mengganguk tanpa byk soal.

*****

“It happens 20 years back, when I first stepped in this medical faculty as a first year medical student, I was at your age that time, young, energetic, enthusiastic, passionate... I got it all.” Dr Nour membuka bicara. “u know want, the seat that u sat in lec hall, the table u used to study, the books in the libriary u read, were being used by me too. Basicly I’m just like your. Except ur beautiful blue eye, your chubby cheek, your high bridge nose, small lips and chin that u get from your mother, we are actually alike. But u happen to be special to me not because of this, because something else, something more than this” cerita Dr Nour lagi. Husna tidak bersuara, telinganya tekun menangkap setiap patah kata yang keluar mulut Dr Nour.

*****

This Fakulti at that time was 7 years old and we were 4th batch students. Everything was new that time, the lec hall, the tutorial room, the libriary, the laboratory....
I was so joyful, after I knew that I’m being offered to study here. No word can tell how happy I was...

However that feeling didn’t last long, it turned to the worse feeling I ever had in life. Few months after enrollment, I had difficulties to study, the subjects were too much to be covered with little amount of time. When end of sem 1 exam was around the corner, I was still struggling to cope with new surrounding, the campus life, new friends plus the complicated subjects that I had to studied... and I had no much time to hang out with friends, occupying with books and notes. Thus I didn’t have many friends that time, and I had no one to turn to share what I feel. I was extremely stressful; in fact I used to think to stop from studying in medicine, until...

Until an evening, 3 weeks before Sem1 exam. I was attended by somene while I was studying alone in this cafeteria. A young man, who was same class with me, but I never talked or approach him. You know who was that guy? That’s your late father, Altaf. He was good-looking man I must say, look like-pakistani but actually he’s not. He was tall, dark thick hair and eyebrow, brown eyes, fair skin... but most importantly he’s soft-spoken man, looked matured than his age. I’m so pleased to meet him.

He smiled and greeted me nicely. I replied and offered him a seat. He’s really easy to talk to, and we have a pleasant conversation that evening, we talked about everything, as if we had known each other for a long time. I shared with him the problem with my study, he seemed and concerned and he faced the same problem too. He offered to study together with him. I agreed. Begining that evening our relationship grew stronger, like a tree that grows bigger as time goes by. We were really having good time study together, discussing, compiling note and not only that, we also share some other thing like our hobby of reading novel, travelling and many other things...

We succeed in Sem1 exam. Both of us were happy. Do you know how we celebrate this, we went to the most exclusive westend food restaurant in KL and we had lunch together, best luch time I ever had, not because of food but because of being together with someone that we close to. You know what, in 2nd semester we were placed in same group, we were so lucky. We became closer, until the others friends thought we were more than friend. But they were wrong; we are just friend, or may be a best friend, not more than that.

However the friendship got a scratch. It happened at the end of year 2, before we went to clinical year, when Altaf suddenly asked me about us, whether I was having sort of special feeling toward him. I never thought he’s going to ask such question to me, and hopefully he’s not going to have such feeling. But obviously I’m wrong. I paused awhile and looked at him waiting restlessly my answer. I have to be truth-telling, I told him that I already had someone, who I had been with him 3-4 years before I met Altaf. Yes, I already had special close friend, a boy since I was in boarding school. He was best student in my school, his father was an attorney, working oversea.

After finished SPM, we were apart as he went to oversea to persue his study and I was here. Nevertheless our relationship did stop there as we always chatting and emailing each other and met occasionaly when he came back to Malysia.

I cannot simply sacrifice this relationship that had been built for so long, just to please Altaf. He just grinned, didn’t say even a word, pretending nothing happened but down in his heart, I knew how he felt... feeling of disappointment and frustration. I just let him be, nothing much I can do about it.

When we enterd clinical year, we were placed apart, posted differently. We are not in the same hosp, so I hardly see him around during the clinical years. We were busy too, so no much time to spend time together as we did before this. I also had new study group and our relationship seemed a bit loosen...

I really missed the moment when we were in pre-clinical year, moment I studied together with Altaf, spending free time together during freetime... these hectic clinical years really made me missed of those things. I missed him too. I should know earlier that I and Altaf cannot be simply a friend, whether something more than friendship, or nothing between us at all. But I was too greedy, wanted both of those guys.

One day, I spoke to Yassir; my groupmate who was a close friend of Altaf, asking him about Altaf. Yassir smiled to me and his answered shocked me hard. He said everyday Altaf asked about me, how I am doing in class, what dress I wear, wheter I’m looked happy or not... I’m speechless. I’m really confused, whether I should be sympaty, guilt or probably happy listening to this. I think I like him more than anyone else, when I think about him, it really cheers me up. I think I fall in love with him, no sure when it started, probably since he first time greeted me at the café. But I cannot announce my feeling to him, because I already belong to someone else, someone that I know him so long and I’m not going to break this relationship for my own satisfaction. I’m not going to do that.

I wanted to give him phone call or SMS, just want to say helo but I’m afraid that I’m going to say something that will hurt him, so I keep silent. He didn’t do call me neither.
Few months before the final exam, I heard hearsay he got an offer to work under WHO as internship in Geneva.

I’m initally surprised but then feel grateful and proud of him. I called him to congratulate, on the phone, he says something that really petrifying me, but I know he doesn’t mean to... he just wants to be honest to me, as we used to be best friend long time ago. He said, there are few main reasons why he applies for the offer, one of it because of me. He just wants to be as far as he can from me. So he will not going to disturb me anymore, and probably the new place will make him forget about me, and Geneve is the best place. I apologised him, for what was happening between us, but he said he the one should apologize because perturbing me so much. He also apologises because he used to think that my relationship with the oversea boy somehow was clashed, or something happened to him like drowning in the sea... I just chuckled my self listening to this. He then asked me a very deeply thoughtful question; how do you take to know and like someone? Is that 1 years, 2 years 10 years or only a glance? I know what he means - someone that we know longer doesn’t mean we understand him better or like him more than someone we just meet....

He then wishes me best of luck for final exam, and we end our conversation there, leaving me full of thought and suddenly old memories about him come back one by one as if it just happens yesterday...

I barely saw him after that. Only once a while, I saw him walked alone and I as usual just afraid to approach him.

After final exam finished, we are looked happy because we are going to have long holiday before working as houseman. But I’m not happy; probably the last time I was here in this faculty, yes I’m not going to be able to meet Altaf anymore after this. Actually, I’m just afriad of losing him. I push myself to call him. He answered. I asked him to meet somewhere, but surprisingly he refused. The reason why he refused is that he didn’t to see for the last time, thinking that’s the last time he will see my face and he will gone, probably forever. He again apologize he’s perhaps a bit self-fish, but he really has to refuse... I say nothing, and off the handphone immediately. My eyes burst of tears, it has been dry for many years, but that day, I cannot hold it anymore...

I see him no more after that, I didn’t do call him neither. I was really busy during my housemanship. I have no time for myself and as well as for my special boyfriend who already worked in Klang valley after finished his study at oversea. He always gets angry and upset with me because I’m busy with my work. He fade-up with me and threaten me whather want to quit the job or we have to break this 7 years relationship. He leaves me no space to think, no word to explain and few weeks later, we clashed. I have no option because I cannot simply put down my effort, my dream to become a doctor, moreever I have an agreement with JPA and have work for 10 years under government service.

I have the greatest feeling of distressful that time, but remembering this far I have gone, and thinking of Altaf as well really cheer me up. He must be happy knowing that I’m totally free, free to be friend or close friend that I like. Nothing’s going to be bothered after this. But I haven’t contacted him so long, and I don’t know how to contact and tell him about this. Perhaps convocation day is the best time to tell him about my feeling to him. Yes, I’ll wait till then.
When the convocation day happen to be, everybody was there... except him. He didn’t show up and no body really knows whether he will attend or not. The day that I should be happy then became a gloomy day for me. Nothing to be enjoyed or celebrated...

I then came back to this faculty and pursue my master in pharmacology and appointed as lecturere 3 years later and still working here till today.

I thought I never meet him again for my entire life, but I’m wrong. 3 years after that, when I was in this cafeteria, I saw him! I was in Cafetaria when I saw him standing, cuddling a 2-years old girl putting the food in the plate. That girl is you... I slowly approached and greeted him. He looked surprised. He replied my greeting nicely. We talked each other as if nothing had happened between us. He told he married an Iraqi lady, a refugee that he met when he was working there and gifted a cute baby girl. I tried very hard hiding my feeling as possible, feeling of disappointment... I asked the name and he said the name is Nour Husna... I paused.

He smiled and continued. The reason why he chooses the name is that because he used to know someone who name Nour Husna, a good-looking, courteous, bright, hardworking girl, and hopefully she will become that girl one day. I’m stunned.

He then asked me about my life, well I told him what had happened to me for past few years including my broken relationship. He looked surprised and then asked me wheter I’m having or engaging with someone. I told him it’s so hard for me to find someone that have a look like him, attitude like him, laugh like him, smile like him and talk like him... eventhough I had found one long time ago, but I dumped it. He then stunned. A moment later, a young good looking, blue eyed, fair skinned lady walked towad us and greeted us politely. She’s your mother, just like your face, your eyes...

Your father introduces me to your mother and she seems excited and happy to see me because your father had told evething about me to your mother. I feel a bit awakward; I then ask permission to leave eventhoughyour mother insisted to have lunce together. Few steps aways from them my tears drop, I cannot hold it anymore...

Few months later I heard my old friend, Yassir the car accident that kills your parents. I’m soo sorry to listen to the news. I don’t know what happen to you until one day you appeared infront of me, that was last year when u came in this faculty. I’m so grateful and promised to my self to help your father raise you up as a good doctor, just like him.

That probably can explain why I have done many things to you, I treat you as my own flesh and blood, sorry if you feel uncomfortable with this... I never ask you feeling about this.
Husna kelihatannya termenung jauh, matanya jauh memandng langit petang. Selang sekatika dia mula membuka bicara “I loss my parents when I was 2 years old, I hardly remember their face. When I close my eye try to remmber my mother face, do you what how she look like, she just looked like you... probably you are just too good to be lecturer and I guess we are more special than this.” Husna tersunyum lebar, matanya yg jernih tiba2 menitiskan airmata kegembiraan. Belum sempat ianya terjatuh membasahi pipinya, cepat2 Dr Nour mengusap dengan jarinya. Keduanya hanya tersenyum satu mana lain.

“Do u still remembered him?” tanya Husna kemudiannya.

“Always”.

THE END

Written by; aku_abhandlung

This is my second cerpen; sorry if the storyline is sounded quite similar with the first one, because I’m still in the same mood. Pardon my language and grammatical error becoz I hav 2 finished this hurriedly (less than 24 hours), so no time for correction. Please lay comments if any for improvements.